I’m not as good as I want to be

My Father taught me how important my reputation and character is, he taught me by the example he set. My Dad is very respected and liked by many in his community and profession. The people that know him know the things he stands for and the things he will not tolerate. I have always admired my father’s character and the reputation he built. Something I’ve strived towards but feel I often come up short.

Growing up, very early on I made many mistakes, not small mistakes. I disappointed my family, many close to me and eventually myself. Even though I have learned greatly from my mistakes, poor choices and disobedience, I continue to screw up. In most things I have made the mistake, learned my lesson, repented, accepted forgiveness and thankfully been wise enough not to make that same mistake twice. Unfortunately that hasn’t been true for every mistake or poor choice. Sometimes even, I make the poor choice consciously! (I just paused, tightly closed my eyes, swallowed hard and took a deep breath…that’s not easy to admit.) How stupid I am sometimes! My character and reputation suffer but above all that, I call myself a follower of Jesus Christ – His name, character and reputation suffer. It’s like this lady a few weeks ago, a car ahead of me with a Jesus fish magnet on her car – she flipped off and used graphic words as to what she wanted to do with her foot to the man driving the car that just cut her off. Nice huh?

I hate that there are days that I consciously choose to walk in my flesh. No matter what happens outside of my body, no matter who says something hurtful, how stressful my day was or whatever the situation may be, I am in control and responsible for my attitude and the choices I make that reflect who I am and who Jesus Christ is.

Romans 7:15-19 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.” Verse 24-25 “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

I’m just not as good as I want to be. I am inadequate in my own power to possess a positive attitude in a tough situation or make a wise choice I can be proud of in a time of peer pressure or temptation. Thankfully, Jesus spilled His blood to cover me! Every stupid, selfish, ignorant and shameful thing I do, His blood was spilled for me. 

Psalm 25:4-7 “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are far from old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord. “